Another test is what you are tempted to do when a problem arises with some of the complexity you’ve added. Is your first instinct to add even more stuff to fix it, or is it to remove and live with the loss?
The only path I can see through all is to cultivate an almost obsessive suspicion of FOMO. I think that’s probably key to learning to say no.
best weapon against complexity spirit demon is magic word: “no”
“no, grug not build that feature”
“no, grug not build that abstraction”
“no, grug not put water on body every day or drink less black think juice you stop repeat ask now”
note, this good engineering advice but bad career advice: “yes” is magic word for more shiney rock and put in charge of large tribe of developer
sad but true: learn “yes” then learn blame other grugs when fail, ideal career advice
but grug must to grug be true, and “no” is magic grug word. Hard say at first, especially if you nice grug and don’t like disappoint people (many such grugs!) but easier over time even though shiney rock pile not as high as might otherwise be
is ok: how many shiney rock grug really need anyway?
Saying ok sometimes compromise necessary or no shiney rock, mean no dinosaur meat, not good, wife firmly remind grug about young grugs at home need roof, food, and so forth, no interest in complexity demon spirit rant by grug for fiftieth time
in this situation, grug recommend “ok”
“ok, grug build that feature”
then grug spend time think of 80/20 solution to problem and build that instead. 80/20 solution say “80 want with 20 code” solution maybe not have all bell-whistle that project manager want, maybe a little ugly, but work and deliver most value, and keep demon complexity spirit at bay for most part to extent
sometimes probably best just not tell project manager and do it 80/20 way. easier forgive than permission, project managers mind like butterfly at times overworked and dealing with many grugs. often forget what even feature supposed to do or move on or quit or get fired grug see many such cases
anyway is in project managers best interest anyway so grug not to feel too bad for this approach usually